The Things you should know about Twitter.

I have been on Twitter now for almost a year and a half. So you might say im a bit of a twitter expert. I just made a few observations over the last year and a bit and i thought I'd share my findings. You might relate, you might disagree. Either way its MY view and if i have learnt anything, its that freedom of expression is all the rage!

ok so

1) Twitter has 3 levels of usage (a)The occasional updater, you may only come on a couple of times a day. say nothing interesting, have less than 50 friends and are not really that bothered either way. (b)The Mid-way twitterer, you have between 100 and 500 followers and enjoy regular episodes of twitter activity. (c)The complete Twit(i think i personally fall into this category). The Complete Twit updates at least once or twice an hour MINIMUM, you say good morning and good night to your followers without fail. You will be itching to share insignificant snips of information with your followers no matter how minute. You normally have upwards of 500 followers.

What category are you?

2) If you want followers, you need more followers, you must HAVE followers, (and i am not saying there is anything wrong with wanting more followers) you need to utter the three words all fellow ''complete Twits'' like to hear ''TEAM. FOLLOW. BACK.''
Yes, nothing attracts followers like broadcasting the fact that you are indeed with
team follow back. There are two sub catagorys of twitterers. The first half dont get team follow back. They would rather keep their horizons closed and limited. The second half love it, they embrace followback-ness. After all its just polite right?

3)One thing i will say to the hungry twitterers, if you are guilty of the ''only 5 more followers to go please shoutout'' and you do this all day, everyday, i will unfollow you, and so will other people. Ironic huh? oh and the ''i Just lost two followers'' do that and you will lose more.

which brings me nicely to my next point

4)It will baffle me for all eternity why people are so bothered by losing followers. Dont pretend you're not. You are. Otherwise you wouldnt tweet about it or use sites to find out who unfollowed you. I follow people i find interesting and i will follow them up until the point where i stop finding them interesting. If i unfollow you, dont shout me out n shit cos it just makes you look soo sad.
If your ego is that fragile maybe you should close your account.

5) Make money using twitter? i have tried it. It failed. It really is junk it really is SPAM. Noone is going to click your link about teeth whitening or amazing weight loss. QUIT IT already.

6) Your profile picture is crucial to the success of your twitter page. You can also expect the type of followers according to the type of picture. Keep it clean and you might just make some nice friends. Get your body parts out, and you will see all the pervs popping up(literally).
Profile pictures edited with some sort of program that adds glittery writing/pictures and or ''blingee'' icons are just tacky...besides only people under 16 do this.

7) Twitter is just a social network and there are alot of wierdos out there, spotting a faker has become second nature to me. A good example is a tiny picture of a sexy girl, clearly copied from google or somewhere similar and the person will usually have hardly any followers and will talk complete rubbish. Im not sure of the reason for this, i guess people just like to take on other personas for the purposes of stalking. They may just end up spamming you with links that are viruses so clicking on links is also something you should be careful of. Clicking on links promising to get you more followers usually results in you giving up your user name and password to hackers so be careful. There are alot of hackers out there.


If you have any tips you would like to share about Twitter please feel free to share. There are many inexperienced users who could benefit from these findings. So speak up.

Safe Twittering x

Tori xx

An Anniversary To Remember

OK so, i have not blogged for a while, but i had to write down the events of this evening, you just couldn't make it up!

So, me and the OH put our differences aside and decided we would celebrate our third wedding anniversary by going out to a local Indian restaurant. And by local i mean 10 doors away from my husbands work place (he sees these people on a regular basis which made it all the worse).

So, the evening started off OK. Babysitters arrived promptly and we set off on our dinner date. So, it was a bit quiet and there i am eating my poppadoms and all of a sudden CRUNCH! i jumped up having BITTEN what can only be described an an indestructible piece of grit or a seed? anyway...cracked my tooth! really annoyed about this.

So i didn't hesitate in bringing this to the managers attention (very loudly might i add) and he didn't even offer a complimentary drink or anything, despite having told him i have just cracked my tooth!

So anyway we carried on eating and chit-chatting and our food eventually came. Delicious as it looked i decided upon what looked like a nice big juicy bit of chicken for the introductory mouthful.

How wrong i was...i started chewing and I'm thinking to myself ''god, this is dry''

carried on chewing..

Me to OH: OK this is very dry i might just choke..and lo and behold i felt the piece of dry arse chicken hit the back of my throat and just lodge there..it wasn't coming back up and it certainly wasn't going down in a hurry...you know when you swallow and swallow again but nothing happens, it just stays there.

All i remember after that is coming over all hot and that was it...creeping in like a quiet train it hit me PANIC! I'M CHOKING...i motioned to my OH to hit me on my back at which point i saw him staring blank (if not rather embarrassed) and all i kept thinking is FFS HIT MY BACK

Anyway, i managed to stumble up off of my chair and splutter the words ''pat my back, pat my BACK'' (chicken flying out of my mouth as i did this)

He finally started patting my back ( i was literally keeled over the table at this point) and thank god it dislodged and i immediately took a drink.

At which point i looked up, looked around. Oh my god, people were staring. ALL the people were staring! I mumbled something along the lines of ''I'm so sorry'' i was mortified. One gent on the next table just looked at me and said ''oh , don't mind us love you re alright''. Yea do i look alright??

Anyway i sat back down and needless to say i wanted to leave ASAP as the reality of it dawned on me, realising what just actually happened, i was sooo embarrassed i thought ''it would be great if the ground would just swallow me up now''.

Anyway, that's it...two disasters within the space of half an hour, the owner of the place was eyeing me up as if i was that girl off of The Real Hustle. They must have thought i was a right drama queen/scam artist.

We left and made it to the car and both just burst out laughing at the sheer comedy of the whole evening.

It was terrible, but i wont forget it in a hurry!